Gentlemen, start your engines! Hard ridin’ hog mamas tear up the screen in an orgy of wet shrapnel and ball sweat!
For starters, there’s Sex Bikers. JAMIE GILLIS (who else?) plays Lee, the leader of a skeevy motorcycle gang called "The Pigs" who wear jackets that declare, "Pigs is beautiful." These whoremasters are aptly named. The opening scene takes place in a filthy toilet as Gillis forces a biker bitch to ride his bearded blood sausage like a pogo stick.
Next up is the legendary VANESSA DEL RIO, who has a clitoris the size of a cough drop. She makes it with Sampson, an ape-like mook dressed like a Metallica roadie. Among her many talents, Vanessa pulls a steel chain out of her vagina like a magician pulling a handkerchief out of a hat. Sampson goes down on her pecan, then jams his fingers in her ass like he’s working a puppet show. This causes Vanessa to emit a series of high-pitched grunts and leads to what can only be described as Anal Armageddon.
Things get even more harebrained when BOBBY ASTYR (the Woody Alien of porn) shows up with his trademark wisecracks. Before the screen fades out, Astyr has a hot three-way on a motorcycle with Vanessa and some doll listed in the credits as BONNIE WARD.
Mr. Gillis also rides his bike through a poster of Peter Fonda!
For dessert, do the dirty with the Dropouts. Master John is a wealthy college boy who resembles an ungroomed Porky Pig. He’s addicted to "crack." And not the kind you smoke.
While home for the holidays, he beds down with a parade of money hungry hellcats. The plot is harder to follow than Lost Highway, but the sex, we’re happy to report, is nice and nasty and showcases the lovely SUZANNE (Flesh Gordon) FIELDS. Fans of vintage adult cinema will be pulling a wheelie.
On your mark, get set... Wow! #
—Mike Accomando, Dreadful Pleasures
Starring: Vanessa Del Rio
Co-starring: Jamie Gillis
Other cast: Bonnie Ward, Bobby Astyr, Suzanne Fields