Is there anything on Earth more cheerfully wholesome than a good ol’ God-fearing, glassy-eyed Christian? Well... yeah: good ol’ God-fearing, glassy-eyed Christian Scare Films. This is Volume 6 of our spiritual series and, yes, God Himself wants you to watch it...

Unto Thyself Be True (b&w): Bill’s life is a real mess. He’s trying to save up some cash to get his dad a nice Father’s day present, but his old man is a Mean Old Jerk that keeps picking on him. When Dad finally bans Bill from using the family car, plans for Bill’s Sunday church picnic go straight out the window... Until sneaky Bill takes the car anyway and -- oh no! -- gets in a fender bender. "Jumpin catfish!" he screams. The cover-up goes poorly and Bill ends up in police custody... Scary says: "Doomy gloomy Christian delinquency!"

Teenagers’ Parents (color): Tex, a jumbo-burger-eating smoothie, has his eyes set on Carol, a perky blonde Carol Burnett clone. Trouble is, Carol has some pretty big issues with her parents who are So Strict they don’t let her date! Tex tries to win the parents over but fails. Things then go from bad to worse when Tex invites Carol to a bible party. You’d think that would be okay but noooooo... Carol’s parents are so hardcore they forbid her from that too! Nevertheless, after some Christian-style sneaking around, Carol makes it to the meeting... Scary says: "More repressed than Rush Limbaugh’s zipper!"

Our Children: A Clean House (color): Susan w