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Are you a sinner? Do you wish to be saved? Then climb aboard the Christian Express with this fifth volume of our Christian Scare Films series as we choo-choo our way to heaven. Next stop, your soul!

Poor Penny (va-va-va-VONDA VAN DYKE). As Teenage Diary (1960) reveals, her evening at the Senior Party is an unmitigated disaster. She can barely get out of the house without her miserable, life-loathing parents starting an argument. Then her date, good Christian Brad, tries to loosen her up with a quick quote from Christ. But it’s the one-two punch of a heathen tiki bar and the bongo beat of "The Counts" that so inflames her passion that she and Brad start sinning on the beach -- which is exactly when her "drunken maniac" of a dad shows up to beat the bejesus out of them. Penny’s mom is equally sympathetic: "Why you little tramp!" she says as she slaps Penny across the face. Penny next meets Brad’s spookily cheerful mother who goes into a weird, trance-like Christian rant about God and love and "sinful desire" that would even make Jesus’ head spin and, appropriately enough, sends Penny scurrying to jump off a cliff...

Our Children: Spending Money (1958) finds semi-adorable Dorothy frustrated over the 50¢ her cheapskate father gives her as an allowance. Jealous of the cool clothes the girl next door has, Dorothy acquires an angora collar by less than church-approved means, leading to a typical Christian Family Crisis. Hey, thou shalt not steal, bitch! (Also appearing is frequent Superman thug HERB VIGRAN as Clyde, a lawn mower-obsessed neighbor!)

In Our Children: Turn the Other Cheek (1958), little brat-faced Molly (KATHY GARVER, Cissy on TV’s Family Affair) is caught in the middle of a feud between her two best friends, Sue and Carol. Succumbing to pressure, Molly eventually snaps and does a terrible, terrible thing: she talks back to Sue’s mom! Fortunately, her wussy Christian dad (ROBERT ROCKWELL) is right there to tell her all about turning the other cheek, and Molly telephones an apology while her parents watch with frozen smiles. Why, she’s like a little female Jesus!

The Big Deal (1964) is a convoluted lesson in Christian honesty during which little Pete decides not to cheat his best friend after Uncle Fred gives the family some delicious chicken salad which is actually made of rabbit.

Finally, AL SANDERS, Vice President of the Bible Institute of Los Angeles, alerts us to a Crisis in Morality (1961) which "infiltrates, impregnates, and pollutes every avenue of our society!" Unlike most Christian Scare Films, this one revels in sin, showing us everything from bars and burlesque theaters to such spectacles as a Roman orgy and a guy stealing pencils at work. Dirty Movies! (Look! Kipling’s Women!) Divorce! ("The very word reekswith tragedy!")! Profanity! (Graffiti-spewing toddlers!) Juvenile Delinquency! (Zip guns! Switchblades! "The Delinquent’s Yo-Yo"!) Narcotics! (Captain Lou Brown gives us the inside dope!) Yes, "the Disease is Sin!" The solution? The Big G! 
From 16mm praise-the-Lord prints. -- Watson Pritchard
Format: DVD-R
Year: 1950s 1960s
Color: Color and B&W
Starring: Vonda Van Dyke
Co-starring: Herb Vigran
Other cast: Kathy Garver, Robert Rockwell, Al Sanders, Captain Lou Brown

Christian Scare Films Vol.5

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