Satan be damned! The Almighty kicks ass left and right in this third collection of Christian Youth Scare Films!

First up is Teenage Testament (1960), in which young Roy (and his receding hairline) works at a malt shop owned by his Aunt Gertie (DOROTHY ADAMS, Mrs. Cameron in The Best Years of Our Lives). Quick to dish out some gospel with a scoop of ice cream, Roy preaches to many customers but particularly needles Josh, the cab driver with "a real dilly" of an ulcer. "Sounds like you need food for the soul," Roy says. With his brimstone counter behavior (and creepy automaton looks) driving customers away, Gertie asks Roy to can "the religious talk". Roy is understandably torn between honoring his family’s wishes and doing what he knows is right. As a fellow Christian tells him, he’s "really in a spot." But before long, he’s got Aunt Gertie piping hymns into the shop, customers or no customers. Hallelujah! (Question: is the RICHARD MILES who stars in this and Teenage Crusade the same Richard Miles who co-wrote that quintessential Christian classic They Saved Hitler’s Brain?)

In Teenage Challenge (1959), Dave, "a real fire-breathing, heathen-eating preacher boy," enters the school essay contest which asks what is the biggest challenge teens face. Why, to be a Christian, he answers in five hundred words or less. His entry is one of the winners but the godless school board won’t let him read it at the assembly because of its "controversial" content: "It’s too religious for around here!" Rather than write another, he rejoices when the editor of the school paper promises to run it in the next edition. Yea! Separation of church and state sucks!

Teenage Crusade (1960) finds Don (the deeply disturbed Billy Haloran of Coppola’s Dementia 13) and his youth group planning a "jalopy raid" to bring wayward souls to their next church party complete with cool, not-at-all-stupid activities like egg races and playing ping-pong using only your breath. "A jalopy raid?" says one