Go ahead: make a mistake, screw up big time, and you’ll be punished for All Eternity. Got that? You’ll burn in Hell forever and ever and ever... Unless, of course, you embrace Jesus and heed the messages on this 10th and very special volume of Christian Scare Films...
Great Discovery (b&w): Imagine if Ed Wood had decided to make a film about a young woman’s journey of self discovery at a Christian school and you’ll only begin to scale the dizzying heights of this rare feature-length Christian Inspirational which packs a strong cockeyed punch thanks mainly to the wacky hysteria of its main character, Connie Chandler (COLLEEN TOWNSEND).
Connie is working in Belgium, and not quite sure in which direction her life is going: "It seems that I’m always running away, running away from myself!" After a chance meeting with a cardboard cut-out masquerading as a nice old lady -- "Are you a Christian, Connie? Maybe you’d like to go to Westmont! Its a Christian college in Santa Barbara!" -- Connie meets Dave Lindsay an all-smug, all-singing Christian minister-in training who actually stands in the middle of a room and sings a hymn to her. He is of course the Man of Her Dreams... maybe. His godly Christian charm convinces her to fly back to America and attend Westmont College with him and, at first, Connie thinks she has found her road to Damascus: "it sounds like a story right out of a storybook!"
But, uh oh, the fireworks begin after Connie enrolls at the school (whose curriculum involves lots and lots of hymn singing) where she feels like a complete misfit ("I kept pulling the same boners over and over again!’) and realizes that Dave cares more about his psalms than he does about her. Even Doris, her brainwashed fundamentalist roommate, begins to look at her like she was unclean: "You don’t have Christ in your heart!" Things finally explode when Connie screams at a bunch of girls for behaving like lobotomized zombies: "Oh you’re so smug and so happy! Go ahead and tell your friends you couldn’t do a thing with Connie Chandler because she was such a sinner!" But, lo and behold, moments later she has an epiphany and finds Jesus: "The Lord has really taken over!"
Wow. Everything about this production is Christian Perfect, from the dialogue to the performers to the sets to the creepy, Carnival of Souls-style organ music playing quietly in every scene. Don’t miss this one, folks! Its Bob Jones meets Glen or Glenda at a Church picnic where the tea has been spiked with amphetamines! Scary says, "Christianity scores a feature and everybody wins."
As We Forgive (b&w): As if you need a bonus after watching the above, this little gem explores a church that sponsors a juvenile-delinquent reform program. We meet J. D. Eddie (The Tingler's DARRYL HICKMAN), a real teenage terror who almost punches out the boss at his new construction job. The Church reigns him in and discovers he’s quite a pimp on the organ. Eddie begins his reformation with the help of Jesus, but he finds that people just won’t forgive and forget his J.D. past. Scary says, "Me and hymn!" -- Scary Ed
Year: 1950s 1960s
Starring: Colleen Townsend
Co-starring: Darryl Hickman