Heaven is a hell of a hard place to get into. You not only have to be without sin, but you also have to watch every film on this 14th volume of Something Weird’s divine Christian Scare Films. God bless God!

Broken Melody (color) is an inspirational Kodachrome-colored Christian-noir featuring a hobo who finds God, a spooky blind guy who keeps disappearing, and handicapped kids! “With his mind in a fog,” Bruce, a pianist who’s now a hobo, returns to the abandoned home of his grandmother and suddenly remembers the day when his life went bad: Playing the accordion for grandma… Aunt Isabel angry at his pending marriage to Felicia... And, oh yeah, getting hit by a truck! With his arm crushed and jilted by Felicia, Bruce became bitter, despite the support of Mary, the wholesome girl next door. Mary tried to tell Bruce that “God plans these things,” but Bruce wouldn’t listen. Instead, he ran off and became a hobo. Leaving grandma’s old house, Bruce sits on a park bench feeling suicidal when, suddenly, a blind man is seated next to him who tells him to stop whining and start writing music. Just as suddenly, the blind man disappears! So Bruce has a bit of a nervous breakdown, and when he awakens, his whole life changes. He goes to church, becomes a successful composer, falls in love with Mary, teaches music to crippled kids, and even meets that weird blind guy again. Oh, what amazing lives these Christians have!

Dust or Destiny (1949; color) reminds us that “it’s good to think once in awhile.” So, to get the ol’ brain working, DR. IRWIN A. MOON presents us with eyes, eardrums, and a bunch of creepy bats to prove that, yes indeed, there is a God! After all, who but the Big G could make the eye work the way it does? Or the ears? Or the brain of a homing pigeon? Or the “radar system” of bats? Or the land spawning of grunions? Dr. Moon gives us the scientific facts on all the above, then asks if they were created by accident… or by design. Well, obviously, God did it! And He made those bats and those grunions because he loves us! Now say “thank you” and go to church.

Man’s Search (color) actually shows us what Heaven looks like (well, actually, a glimpse of our “pre-life”) and, yup, it’s surprisingly psychedelic: lots of pretty colors and angels milling around. And this trippy, Mormon-made short shows us this pre-mortal life as a way of explaining where we came from and where we’re going in this “Earth life.” So don’t be distracted by the “Funland” amusement-park of sin (where you can zoom around on a cartoon ride, ogle women, and stare at distorted mirrors). Join the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints and keep things dull until your Spirit-Self can walk straight up to Heaven (yes, literally, we see it!) and hug lots of dead people.

Treasures in Heaven (b&w) is a lesson in faith from the master of classroom scare films, SID DAVIS. A reporter pays a visit to Oscar Colton, a “terrible tycoon” who made a fortune in business and is now giving it all away. Why? Jesus made him do it! And look! We even flashback in time to a dime-store Jesus spreading the word! Hallelujah! Born Again Pritchard
Format: DVD-R
Year: 1940s - 1950s
Color: Color and BW
Directed by: Sid Davis

Christian Scare Films Vol.14

C$12.99Price

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